Sep 10, 2014

5 Ways to Improve Communication in Marriage

 "Generally, the amount and quality of communication between married couples reveals a lot about their marriage." - Karen Budzinski

“Generally, the amount and quality of communication between married couples reveals a lot about their marriage. Yet, the reasons we don’t communicate well – we don’t know how, we are afraid, it’s too much trouble, our self-esteem is low or we don’t think it will change anything – more often than not trump the reasons to communicate,” says Karen Budzinski, author of the newly released How to Build An Enduring Marriage, a guide on Building Better Relationships. “Below, I’ve outlined 5 Ways to improve communication skills in your marriage.”

Listen Carefully
“True listening means that when another person speaks, I am not thinking about what I’m going to say when they stop talking. Instead, I concentrate on what they are saying. Listening is also complete acceptance without judgment of what is said or how it is said,” says Karen.

Be Mature
“Plan a time that is good for your spouse, speak the truth in love, be sensitive to the other person’s feelings and allow for reaction time,” says Karen.

Tone of Voice Influences the Messages You Are Communicating
“Tone of voice expresses different messages using the same word, statement, or question. If you are not aware of your tone of voice, use your phone to record some of your conversations. Play them back and pay attention to your tone of voice and what it implies,” suggests Karen. “Address your heart issues before you open your mouth. If your heart is right and your motive is right, your communication will most likely have the right tone necessary to communicate the message correctly.”

Ask for Clarification if the Problem or Solution is Unclear
“Clarify your message until it is understood, and ask for clarification of the other’s messages until you understand them. You must check the accuracy of the messages you receive. Try responding with, ‘Here’s what I heard you say’,” suggests Karen. “We see and hear based on a filter we have left on our hearts. Some more examples of a direct approach to clarification: ‘Did you just say…?’, ‘Is this what you meant to say?’, ‘Are you saying I need to do something about this?’, ‘Here is the picture I am getting. Is it accurate?’, and ‘Let me tell you what I think; then you tell me what you think.’”

Communication is Not Only Verbal; It Involves Actions as Well as Words
Karen points out, “Albert Mehrabian suggested the following breakdown of the importance of the three elements of communication when the content, tone and nonverbal contradict each other in expressing feelings: Content 7%, Tone 38%, Nonverbal 55%.”
Karen Budzinski is the author of the just-released title, How To Build An Enduring Marriage, a book she wrote after years of studying relationships and teaching her signature class, Building Better Relationships. In 1981, Karen taught her first class, helping folks strengthen their relationships; she did not realize at the time that the rest of her life’s work would be dedicated to helping others build better relationships. Her book contains a wealth of information that has benefited an inestimable number of people. Karen has been the head of several Women’s Ministries for churches, taught and written materials for adult, youth and children’s classes and marriage groups. Karen has counseled numerous troubled marriages, conducted seminars and taught homiletics to individual groups. She has spoken in front of thousands across the world. Karen has also spoken to several MOPS groups and teaches an ongoing class. The book, How To Build An Enduring Marriage, can be used in any community group to help strengthen relationships.  Karen and her husband Gary reside in Michigan; their family has grown to include five adult children, their spouses, and three granddaughters. If you would like further information, are interested in hosting a book signing event, or would like to bring Karen in to speak to your group, she can be contacted at, via her web site or her Facebook Page “How to Build an Enduring Marriage.” You can purchase the book on Karen’s web site, via the following link: or at any local book retailer.

Metro Detroit Mommy Writer:


  1. These are excellent tips and so very important in a marriage. Thanks for sharing these.

  2. I have a feeling that my girlfriend is going to get this book for me lol

  3. I totally agree -- communication of everything is key! I tell my husband everything -- even things he probably doesn't care to hear - lol! And I make sure to ask him a lot of questions too :)

  4. Hahaha ....I see the bf's comments above. He just may get this book! Great tips for sure!

  5. Great tips! Totally agree on the tone of voice and listening carefully.

  6. I'm printing this for my wall at home... I'm not always the greatest at the tone of voice thing. Thanks for the share!

  7. These are great tips- I will have to keep these in mind. Communication is HUGE in any relationship!