Sep 24, 2014

Why Controlling Spouses Fail

“In marriage, our goal is to kindle, not douse, love; trying to control your spouse is an immediate love-killer,” says Karen Budzinski, author of the newly released How to Build An Enduring Marriage, a guide on Building Better Relationships. “Your daily actions in marriage are bringing you closer to total extinguishment or total acceptance and love. Every moment, you choose which way you will act and respond. When you take control out of a relationship, good things follow.”

Karen suggests you avoid the below controlling tendencies that crop up in marriage:

  1. You make plans and commitments for your spouse before you check with them.

“Making plans on your own probably indicates you are used to having things go the way you plan or the way you want them to more often than not. Instead, grant your spouse the courtesy of deciding whether or not they want to participate in the plans before you finalize them,” says Karen.

  1. You monitor your spouse.

“You listen for incorrect English, scrutinize table manners, or get annoyed because of their quirks. Instead, work on your tolerance level. Love is not easily provoked. The problem is with your acceptance and patience,” says Karen.

  1. You speak to your spouse in the wrong tone.

“Calm down and communicate with the same respect and honor with which you would like to be spoken to. Listen to your tone and tweak your style if you have adopted some bad habits,” says Karen.

  1. You need to be in control of every situation.

“When you need something done and regularly insist it be done exactly how you want it, without considering the schedule or needs of your spouse, or if you find that you are so limited in your choices that it cuts out any other opinion, you need to step back and instead examine why you expect your spouse (and probably others) to adjust to your wants instead of accommodating their ideas. To reverse this tendency, practice going with the flow and letting others make choices when they are with you,” continued Karen.

  1. Your strong opinions are negatively affecting other relationships.
“Although strong people are often respected, when the feelings and opinions of others’ aren’t considered, it gets old. If your family or your close friends make statements here and there, be open to giving someone else a chance to make a decision. Back off to allow others’ input,” advises Karen.

Karen Budzinski is the author of the just-released title, How To Build An Enduring Marriage, a book she wrote after years of studying relationships and teaching her signature class, Building Better Relationships. In 1981, Karen taught her first class, helping folks strengthen their relationships; she did not realize at the time that the rest of her life’s work would be dedicated to helping others build better relationships. Her book contains a wealth of information that has benefited an inestimable number of people. Karen has been the head of several Women’s Ministries for churches, taught and written materials for adult, youth and children’s classes and marriage groups. Karen has counseled numerous troubled marriages, conducted seminars and taught homiletics to individual groups. She has spoken in front of thousands across the world. Karen has also spoken to several MOPS groups and teaches an ongoing class. The book, How To Build An Enduring Marriage, can be used in any community group to help strengthen relationships.  Karen and her husband Gary reside in Michigan; their family has grown to include five adult children, their spouses, and three granddaughters. If you would like further information, are interested in hosting a book signing event, or would like to bring Karen in to speak to your group, she can be contacted at, via her web site or her Facebook Page “How to Build an Enduring Marriage.” You can purchase the book on Karen’s web site, via the following link: or at any local book retailer.

Metro Detroit Mommy Writer:

No comments :

Post a Comment